Small talk L.A. style

Hillarious! Mark Ganek, a transplant from Illinois, is the author of the column "The Cultural Savage" on the website Orkut where he describes his experiences of living in Los Angeles. In one of them he makes fun of the kind of smalltalk one can only hear in Lalaland. In order to describe the essence of it he created "The Los Angeles Universal Conversation Generator (patent pending)". It sounds like this (excerpt of his column):

Person 1: So, I like went to [shopping establishment] to find [trendy item]. But when I got there, they were totally out. So instead I got this [comically ugly trendier item]. Don't you love it?

Person 2: Oh my God, I saw [vapid C-list celebrity] wearing that at the [Generic Award Ceremony/Celebrity Circle-Jerk].

Person 1: Did you hear that she [comment indicating I have no personality and simply repeat what I hear on E! instead.]

Person 2: I know, and then [likewise].

Person 1: Yeah, I totally think that [comment indicating my brain contains only a rusty hamster wheel, but due to cost-cutting measures, the hamster has been replaced by a picture of a hamster.]

Person 2: Yeah. [Silence indicating I have forgotten what we were talking about because I was distracted by a reflection of myself in a mirror.] Totally.

Bystander: I'm going to shoot myself in the face.

O my god, I laughed so hard. Read the entire column.